We believe that real muffins are flat.

Everything else is just a cupcake.

Who we are.

A global network of free-thinking individuals who believe that muffins are flat.

So you’re saying that all muffins are English muffins?

No. We are saying that all muffins are flat muffins, which can hail from any nation.

What we believe.

A true muffin comprises two halves of a finely toasted disc, each topped by a pad of butter and your gran’s favorite homemade jam. Everything else is a lie.

What we want.

To spread the truth: That the overly sweet, highly caloric confections that greedy megacorporations have been stuffing down our throats for decades are NOT muffins. They are cakes. Pastries. Desserts. We shall be subject to the Big Muffin agenda no more.

What is the Big Muffin agenda?

Sugar. Calories. Greed. A customer who eats a cupcake for breakfast drinks approximately 20% more coffee than one who chooses an unsweetened bread, a fact upon which the Big Muffin Agenda seeks to capitalize. Companies like Starbucks have been lining their pockets for decades off of this manipulative practice, which has been making customers pop the buttons off of theirs.

What’s next.

We will grow awareness. We will recruit members. We will spread the truth. And we won’t stop until these so-called muffins are seen for what they truly are: sweet, bulbous, fat, greedy cake.