The big lie.

What’s in a name? A whole lot of cake, actually. That’s because round muffins are just that. Cupcakes. Not breakfast. Cupcakes.

It’s all part of the Big Muffin Agenda:

To convince the masses that round muffins are the real muffins.

To make these round muffins larger every year so that customers are just a little thirstier for over-roasted coffee.

And to make those addicted to round muffins wider in the waist by encouraging them to consume what is essentially dessert every morning.

The evidence is clear: The most prominent driver of the Big Muffin Agenda, Starbucks, has bulked up the size of their round muffins exponentially over the past three decades. The people deserve transparency. Just as much as the Starbucks overlords deserve a customer revolt.

We will not stop our efforts until the truth has been spread as far and wide: That flat muffins are the real muffins, and that round muffins are cupcakes.

From deep within the nooks and crannies, the truth baker.